


realizations

by uwusoutforloona



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: 5 times plus 1 time trope, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I think????, Light Angst, Polyamory, also so i can push my hyewonrim agenda, and a lot questions, but like only slightly, but that's ok she's trying her best, chuulipvesoul for like a hot second, hyejoo has a lot of feelings and thoughts, hyewonrim are soulmates, i noticed that hyewonrim only have like 3 fics on here, idk it's not even angst to me, internal poly-phobia?????, jungeun and jinsoul are only mentioned, so i decided to write an 8k words fic for them to feed myself, wise old woman ha sooyoung to the rescue, yeojin is also only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25851649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwusoutforloona/pseuds/uwusoutforloona
Summary: 5 times hyejoo struggles with her feelings for yerim and chaewon (and the 1 time she gets her shit together)
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry/Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye, Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye/Park Chaewon | Go Won/Choi Yerim | Choerry
Comments: 24
Kudos: 130





	realizations

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first hyewonrim fic and also my first poly fic so sorry if it's awkward??? this trope of 5 times _____ plus 1 time ____ is one of my favorite types of fics and it's something i've always wanted to write so i hope i did it justice. hopefully whoever reads this enjoys it! :D

**I**

Hyejoo is in love with her childhood best friend.

The realization comes to her as the two of them are walking back to their houses after a long day at school. They both had just gotten done with their extracurricular activities; Hyejoo with soccer practice and Yerim with student council. They’re holding hands while they’re walking and Yerim skips ahead of her but not far enough for their hands to disconnect. She’s freely swinging their arms in the air without a care in the world and the beautiful orange leaves of Fall hanging from the trees above frame her body perfectly as the light of the setting sun shines on her face, revealing the wide smile she’s wearing. It’s the most beautiful sight Hyejoo has ever seen and she can’t help but stare at Yerim in awe. It’s then that she realizes that she’s in love with Yerim.

It’s also then that she realizes that she’s been in love with Yerim for as long as she can remember. She wonders how she could have possibly been so oblivious to this fact before today because how can she _not_ be in love with her? _Everyone_ is in love with Yerim and Hyejoo is no exception. She’s only human after all.

Their friendship shouldn’t work as well as it does because they’re opposites in every way. According to those that aren’t close to them that is. In the eyes of the high school hierarchy, Hyejoo with her pessimistic outlook on life and is cold to everyone she meets shouldn’t be friends with Yerim, who has the ability to see the good in everyone and draws people in with the warmth that she exudes. Yet, in a direct contrast to their personality, Hyejoo opens up easily for those who care to ask while Yerim bottle things up and let them linger. Most people believe that they wouldn’t make such good friends because of how different they are. If Hyejoo didn’t know Yerim so well, she would agree (although, she would also argue that their differences create a nice dynamic and give them a very balanced relationship). But she _does_ know Yerim well. She knows Yerim better than anyone else and Yerim knows her better than anyone else. Past the superficial surfaces that they present to others, they’re more alike than people would think.

Yerim is every bit of a gamer as Hyejoo is and Hyejoo is every bit of a bookworm as Yerim is. Hyejoo, unbeknownst to most, loves to sing and dance as much as Yerim does whereas Yerim, unbeknownst to most, loves to play soccer as much as Hyejoo does. Even though Hyejoo isn’t a fan of school, they both share the same passion for learning and experiencing new things. Yerim, when angered, has the same biting and unapologetic bluntness that Hyejoo uses on a daily basis. And Hyejoo is just as affectionate and a cuddle monster as Yerim is. Despite her reserved nature, Hyejoo — who can be quite talkative when speaking about her favorite subjects — makes a great conversationalist for Yerim, who can talk endlessly for hours.

If Hyejoo were to describe them, she would say that Yerim is the storm and she is the calm that comes before it. 

Unexpectedly, although it’s not that unexpected to them, they are like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Hyejoo knows what makes Yerim tick and vice versa. They know and understand each other’s faults. They accept each other’s flaws and never push for the other to change when change isn’t wanted. 

They’re soulmates. It’s as simple as that.

At this point, they’re like a well-oiled machine. Knowing what the other wants before they ask for it and having an innate ability to simply communicate with each other without words. The more Hyejoo thinks about it and the more she continues to stare at Yerim still lightly skipping ahead of her, it makes sense to her that she would fall for her best friend. But that presents an entirely different problem in and of itself. She’s not _supposed_ to fall for her best friend. It’s so incredibly _cliché_ and can ruin a perfectly good friendship. Hyejoo knows that Yerim would never let something like that destroy their friendship because people can’t help what they feel but the very possibility of their friendship ending makes a seed of doubt grow in her mind.

But the sudden feeling of Yerim rubbing her thumb against Hyejoo’s hand in comfort stops the seed from growing too big. Hyejoo’s eyes flicker back to Yerim’s face and sees her lips curled up in a more tender smile instead of the wide grin from earlier. It’s a smile that’s meant to reassure her. Hyejoo knows this because that’s just who Yerim is.

Yerim never fails to notice when something is bothering Hyejoo and this time is no different. Hyejoo looks at her in the eyes and past the galaxies that are swirling in Yerim’s eyes, there’s understanding. Hyejoo is all too familiar with those eyes that seem like they know every thought that crosses her mind. And in this instance, Hyejoo is captivated by those eyes that are luring her to expose every secret pumping through her veins. But Hyejoo wouldn’t mind spilling those secrets because Yerim’s eyes are safe and offer no judgement. 

Hyejoo knows that Yerim knows. 

Yerim _always_ knows. Hyejoo doesn’t really understand it. She doesn’t understand how Yerim just _knows_. It’s like they’re playing a game and Yerim is already at the gates that lead into the final boss battle, ever so patiently waiting for Hyejoo to catch up. Yerim knows and she’s telling Hyejoo that it’s okay. It’s okay to love her. So that’s _exactly_ what Hyejoo does.

**II**

Hyejoo doesn’t meet Chaewon until her first year of college and Yerim is the one that introduces them to each other. At first, she would only hear about the enigmatic and _gorgeous_ (Yerim’s words, italics and all) Park Chaewon, an upperclassmen who’s a year older than them and is Yerim’s lab partner in Chemistry. From the way that the now purple haired girl talks about the sophomore, it’s obvious that Yerim has a crush on her. Hyejoo would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel at least a tiny bit jealous of that fact. Because she _is_ jealous.

That jealousy might have affected her perception of Chaewon more than she would have liked to admit because when they meet, Hyejoo doesn’t like her at all. The first thing Hyejoo notices when she meets Chaewon is how beautiful she is, just as Yerim said, with her porcelain doll-like appearance — if Hyejoo is _really_ honest, Chaewon is probably the most beautiful girl she has ever met, aside from Yerim that is. Chaewon is tiny and she has an even tinier voice to match. But in Hyejoo’s opinion, her personality leaves much to be desired. 

Chaewon likes to pick fights. 

More specifically, Chaewon likes to pick fights with _Hyejoo_. Which in turn, infuriates her to no end. Hyejoo, not used to anyone opposing her due to her tough exterior, is thrown for a loop when the upperclassman makes it a point to question everything that she says and does. So she answers in the only way that she knows how to, which is to fight back. She tries her best not to at first for Yerim’s sake, but she eventually succumbs to her irritation as Chaewon continues to push and push. It doesn’t help that Chaewon somehow manages to have an even sharper tongue and quicker wit than Hyejoo, which means she wins most of their arguments. Which makes Hyejoo _even more_ infuriated. The more Hyejoo gets to know Chaewon, the more she thinks that Chaewon is like a spoiled princess and a little shallow. Always used to getting what she wants but remains unsatisfied with what she has. Hyejoo says this because it seems like Chaewon simply won’t accept her for who she is and always wants her to change. Hyejoo has never been a big fan of change. She _hates_ it. So it’s no surprise that she would take it as a personal offense when Chaewon constantly asks her to change.

Despite this very obvious and very large hurdle, Chaewon fits in perfectly with them and the rest of their friends and even manages to expand their friend group by introducing a few friends of her own. To Hyejoo’s displeasure, their duo becomes a trio. Everywhere they go, Chaewon is with them and Hyejoo finds it hard to enjoy herself because she very much still dislikes Chaewon (and also still _very_ jealous of her, especially when she sees how happy Yerim seems to be around the blonde).

It takes her about four weeks before she realizes that maybe there’s more to Chaewon than she initially thought. She also becomes more aware of the fact that maybe her feelings towards the older girl have been mostly dictated by a green-eyed monster. Maybe she doesn’t know Chaewon as much as she thinks she does. Okay, so there’s no “maybe” to it. She _definitely_ doesn’t know Chaewon as much as she thinks she does. But she’s never exactly tried to get to know her. Again, green-eyed monster.

This discovery comes to her when she’s walking back to her and Yerim’s shared apartment and happens to notice Chaewon in the distance. At first, dread fills every part of her body but then curiosity replaces it when she sees that Chaewon is semi-surrounded by a group of what looks like to be a bunch of eighth graders. She’s holding onto what seems to be like another eighth grader’s arm with a scowl on her face. The circumstances don't exactly look good to say the least. Hyejoo quietly moves towards them to scope out the situation — sure, her interest is piqued but she also wants to make sure that nothing bad is gonna happen — and manages to get close enough to hear part of their conversation without being spotted. 

“–we just want to make sure she knows that she’s not welcomed at our school. It’s obvious that she’s _poor_ and our school’s reputation shouldn’t be tainted by a _beggar_ like her. She should just transfer.” One of the middle schoolers says with a voice so full of contempt that it makes Hyejoo’s stomach twist uncomfortably. 

She doesn’t really know how Chaewon is going to respond. Hyejoo wouldn’t peg her as a bully but she also can’t say that with a lot of confidence. Chaewon, like her, isn’t exactly the friendly type and, like Hyejoo has mentioned before, a little shallow. She wouldn’t exactly put it past Chaewon to agree with what that kid is saying based on her everyday attitude. 

Her thoughts are cut short when she hears the older girl finally speak up. “So you think it’s okay to bully someone because of their financial situation? I don’t mean to question your intelligence but how _dense_ are you exactly? No, really. I just want to know where you get off telling someone where they can or can not go to school just because they’re not rich. Please. _Enlighten_. Me.” She says with a wry smile on her face, making sure to punctuate each word. Hyejoo winces at Chaewon’s murderous tone. She’s never seen or heard the blonde so angry before.

Chaewon lets go of the girl’s arm and takes a threatening step towards the group of bullies, shielding the girl from them. The middle schoolers take a nervous step back from the approaching college student and Hyejoo sees fear flash through their eyes. For someone with such a small stature, Chaewon can be extremely intimidating. Even _Hyejoo_ feels a bead of sweat dripping down her face and she’s not the one being threatened.

“We-we’re just saying th-that she doesn’t b-belong at our school, i-is all.” One of them manages to stutter out.

“Because she’s, what? _Poor_? That makes her lesser than you somehow?”

“Man, f-f-fuck this. We’re outta h-here.” 

The middle schoolers scatter away, leaving Chaewon and the girl to themselves (and well, Hyejoo too). Turning her attention back to the younger girl, Chaewon’s expression is the complete opposite from seconds earlier. Her eyebrows are furrowed together in worry and there’s a look of understanding that shines in her eyes. Once again, Hyejoo is surprised and doesn’t know what to make of this Chaewon.

Chaewon tenderly grabs a hold of the eighth grader’s shoulders and checks for any potential bruises or cuts. She wipes away the tears on the girl’s cheeks and whispers what seems to be like words of reassurance. Hyejoo is too far away to make them out. After a few more minutes of quietly exchanging words and making sure that the middle schooler is okay, Chaewon sends her on her way. Hyejoo sees Chaewon close her eyes and let out a sigh before straightening out her back. Tightening her grip on her backpack straps, she opens her eyes once again and turns around to leave, but stops in her tracks when she sees Hyejoo just barely six feet away from her.

“Oh, hello.” Chaewon greets and blinks a few times, surprised to see the freshman.

Hyejoo clears her throat and awkwardly replies, “Hi.”

“Did you see everything that just happened?”

“Um, I sort of just saw the end portion of it.” Hyejoo slowly answers, not knowing how to act around Chaewon.

“Oh.”

There’s a beat of silence before Hyejoo breaks it. “It was cool of you to stand up for her like that.”

“Oh. I guess. It’s nothing. I’m not the biggest fan of bullies.”

“To be honest, I thought that you were going to join them for a second there.” Hyejoo comments offhandedly and chuckles good-naturedly but it turns awkward when Chaewon doesn’t laugh along and simply stares at her with a piercing gaze.

Chaewon continues to quietly look at her for a moment longer with an unreadable expression before replying. “You think that I’m someone that would do something like that?” Her voice is softer than normal and she sounds hurt by Hyejoo’s words. 

“Uhhh...well…” Hyejoo struggles, caught off guard (for the third time that day) by Chaewon’s sudden change in demeanor. “Not really? I mean, maybe? I don’t really–”

“You don’t really like me, do you?” Chaewon asks, cutting Hyejoo off. She waits for the younger girl to answer but all Hyejoo can do is look back at her with a deer-in-the-headlights expression because _well_ , it’s not like Chaewon is _wrong_. Chaewon sighs, her shoulders deflating and she starts to mindlessly ramble. The words spilling out without a second thought. “Yeah, I thought as much. It’s because I question everything you do and say, isn’t it? You’re not exactly used to it, right? I know I can come off strong sometimes, or really, _all_ the time but I don’t have any malicious intentions. It’s just how I am. I think it’s good to have someone by your side that questions you every so often because it allows you to reflect back on your actions and grow as a person. Then again, maybe you _don’t_ want that and I should have been more considerate about it. But I know that’s not the only reason you don’t like me. You’re kind of jealous of me because you like Yerim, right? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, of course. You also don’t have to worry about me telling anyone, _especially_ Yerim. I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about me taking her away from you or something like that...”

Hyejoo tries, _really_ she does, not to look as shocked as she does throughout Chaewon’s babbling. She doesn’t succeed. Because everything that Chaewon is saying is correct and it’s unnerving to know that the older girl can read her so well despite having only known her for such a short period of time. Either Hyejoo isn’t as subtle as she thinks she is or Chaewon is some kind of mind reader. Or maybe it’s a mix of both. But there’s something in the way that Chaewon is frantically trying to explain herself to Hyejoo with a voice full of desperation that makes the younger girl’s heart clench. 

Maybe she hasn’t exactly been fair to Chaewon.

She never really gave her a chance. She never gave them a chance to become more than just casual acquaintances with a mutual friend. It hits her then that her jealousy has gotten the best of her because Chaewon was never as terrible as Hyejoo made her out to be. She never did anything that would be deemed so terrible that would make Hyejoo dislike her as much as she does. Guilt begins to bubble from the pit of her stomach up to her throat, making it close up.

Hyejoo chooses then to make things better. For Chaewon’s and Yerim’s sake. And maybe for herself as well because this jealousy has turned her into someone that she had never wanted to become. So she waits for Chaewon to finish before asking, “Can we start over?”

“Wait, what?” Chaewon blinks rapidly, not expecting such a reply from Hyejoo.

“I know I don’t really deserve it, but I would like to start again. If that’s okay with you?”

There’s a moment of deliberation but eventually Chaewon agrees. “Okay. We can start again.” She then holds out her hand and smiles gently — it’s a smile Hyejoo has never seen directed at her before (or maybe it had and she just never noticed until now) and she thinks that _yeah_ , Chaewon really is _gorgeous_. “Hi, my name is Park Chaewon. I’m a sophomore and I’m currently studying psychology. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I hope we can become great friends.”

Hyejoo returns the smile and takes Chaewon’s hand, giving it a small shake. “Hello Chaewon, I’m Son Hyejoo and the pleasure is all mine.”

Neither girls let go of the other’s hand.

**III**

In the span of two weeks, Hyejoo and Chaewon’s friendship blossoms tremendously. And within three months, they’re basically best friends and by “basically,” she means they _are_. They’re no longer at each other’s throats — or really, it was mostly Hyejoo at Chaewon’s throat — and their arguments have turned into playful banter. In those three months, Hyejoo learned that Chaewon loves to play video games just as much as she and Yerim does. She also learned that Chaewon is _ridiculously_ good at _Mario Kart_ and even Hyejoo can’t win a single game against her. Leaving behind the unnecessary jealousy for the older girl, Hyejoo realizes that her and Chaewon actually get along really well. Sure, Chaewon still questions Hyejoo every chance she gets but Hyejoo finds that she doesn’t really mind it anymore. Probably because she understands Chaewon a lot better now.

Chaewon has a passion for figuring out people’s inner thoughts and _why_ they do the things they do. Hence her being a psychology major. It’s ingrained into her to find the deeper meaning within everything that people do and say. With the knowledge of the _whys_ behind people’s actions, she often encourages them to look at things differently and reflect on what they see. She doesn’t blindly accept people as how they present themselves to others because more often than not, there’s more to them than that. Because of this, Chaewon has an innate ability and knack for understanding people.

Chaewon is different from Yerim because she accepts Hyejoo’s faults but pushes her to be better than those faults. The thing is, her and Yerim have always been creatures of habit. They accept each other’s flaws and don’t really address the issues that could arise from those flaws. They simply leave them as is. Never asking for change when change isn’t wanted. But just because change isn’t _wanted_ doesn’t mean it’s not _needed_. Because sometimes Hyejoo’s bluntness ends up unintentionally hurting those she cares about and sometimes Yerim’s unwillingness to let others in can create misunderstandings. In one way or another, sometimes their faults can hurt others or bring about uncomfortable situations whether they meant to or not. Chaewon recognizes that and challenges them to be better. She challenges them to be the best versions of themselves. She’s not asking for them to completely change who they are, all she’s asking is for them to be more. To not succumb and become victims of their own shortcomings. Not for her sake, but for their own sake. 

Hyejoo discovers later along the line that whatever Chaewon asks of others, she expects perfection from herself. Hyejoo supposes that with being so well-versed in people and how they function, Chaewon knows herself pretty well too. She knows when she’s wrong and makes a point to change it. She knows when she has upset someone and immediately apologizes when she can even if it’s something minor. Chaewon is also careful not to overstep. She is aware of others’ personal boundaries and knows when she can or can not cross them. Hyejoo wonders if perhaps that’s why Chaewon has started to hang out with her and Yerim less. 

Maybe she sensed Hyejoo’s sour moods every time the three of them would go out together before and decided that perhaps she had crossed a line. Maybe she feels like she’s intruding on Hyejoo’s time with Yerim. Whatever the case, Hyejoo doesn’t like it. Because they’re okay now. They’re more than okay now. Aside from Yerim, Hyejoo considers Chaewon as her best friend. Chaewon is her soulmate — and she knows that Yerim and Chaewon are soulmates too. Hyejoo doesn’t really know if there’s some rule against having more than one soulmate but she also doesn’t really care. Because despite their rough beginnings and differences, there isn’t another person (except Yerim, always except Yerim) in the world who understands Hyejoo as well as Chaewon does and vice versa.

So Hyejoo decides to bring it up the next time they’re hanging out with each other because yes, they do that now and quite often. They’re at the arcade, a place they frequently visit, playing _Aliens: Extermination._ Surrounded by the sounds of kids screaming with still barely lit fluorescent neon lights shining down on them, and the smell of subpar but yet addicting pizza filling their noses, Hyejoo asks the girl by her side, “How come you’re not hanging out with me and Yerim as much anymore?”

“Hmm, what?” Still focused on eliminating every alien she sees, it takes a moment for Hyejoo’s words to register in Chaewon’s mind. “Oh, um...I thought maybe you would prefer it if I gave you two more alone time together since _y’know_.”

“Well, stop that.” Hyejoo says bluntly before pausing to kill some xenomorphs running straight at her. “I like having you around and so does Yerim. It feels weird without you now and besides, Yerim and I have _plenty_ of alone time together considering that we _live_ together.”

“Oh, okay. I can do that then if you want.”

“Yes, I _do_ want that.”

Chaewon chuckles lightheartedly at Hyejoo’s persistent tone and nods. “Alright, alright. I’ll be sure to invade your time with Yerim every chance I get then.”

“ _Good_.” Hyejoo replies firmly and glances over at Chaewon.

It’s then that something shifts within Hyejoo. Maybe it’s just the feeling of being in one of her favorite places of all time with one of her favorite people in the world (talk about character development!). Maybe it’s the adrenaline that’s still pumping through her body from having played so many games. Or maybe it’s the way that the light from the machine is illuminating Chaewon’s face in the dimly lit arcade, showcasing the soft and content smile that graces her face as her eyes twinkle in delight. It’s a sight so breathtakingly beautiful that it completely stops Hyejoo in her tracks. Her hands slide off the gun that she’s been using as a joystick and her mouth parts slightly open — not at all caring that she’s being swarmed left and right by xenomorphs and creatures alike. Suddenly everybody and everything around her is moving at warp speed but her and Chaewon remain still. It’s like they’re in their own bubble of time, unbothered by their surroundings.

It’s funny how the simplest things can bring about big revelations. For Hyejoo, this is nothing new but every time it happens, it catches her completely off guard. It’s like she’s on a roller coaster and she knows it’s about to drop, but she still can’t help feeling surprised when the drop actually comes.

It’s ridiculous because three months is far too short for this drop to come. All they’ve done was _just_ get to know each other in these three months. Although, Hyejoo has to admit that even within such a quick span of time, they know enough about each other to seem as if they’ve been friends their entire lives. But _still_. Three months is nothing. But maybe when it comes to this, time doesn’t matter and all Hyejoo can do is accept it.

Accept that she’s in love with Chaewon.

**IV**

Hyejoo is still in love with her childhood best friend.

It’s embarrassing to admit that she realizes this when she’s currently in the middle of kissing said childhood best friend. But it’s true. She’s still in love with her childhood best friend and everything suddenly doesn’t make any sense because she’s also in love with her other best friend, Park Chaewon. Who happens to be the reason behind Yerim kissing her. Earlier that day, Yerim saw Chaewon kiss Hyejoo and had confronted her about it, leading to a sudden love confession from Yerim. And now they’re kissing. Which begs the question, why was Chaewon kissing Hyejoo? Well, because Chaewon _also_ confessed to being in love with her. 

Hyejoo is thrown into a complete frenzy of confusion and bewilderment.

She had thought — _foolishly_ , she now ascertains — that she was over Yerim when she had discovered that she was in love with Chaewon and was _beyond_ elated when Chaewon had confessed to her. But now, Hyejoo knows that she is nowhere near being over Yerim. Not when she feels like _this_ from the way that Yerim is kissing her.

Yerim kisses her out of pure passion and desperation, almost like she’s afraid that this will be the last time she’ll be able to kiss Hyejoo and it overwhelms Hyejoo in the best way possible. It’s a complete one-eighty from how Chaewon had kissed her this afternoon. Chaewon had kissed her softly and sweetly like she was comforting Hyejoo and ensuring that she wouldn’t break from the overloading amount of emotions that was spiraling out of control within her. If someone were to ask whose kiss she prefers, Hyejoo wouldn’t be able to answer.

She loves them both. _A lot._ She doesn’t think she would be able to choose between them. And that is where the problem lies. Because she _has_ to choose, doesn’t she? She can’t love them both and be with them both. That’s not how it works, _right_?

Hyejoo doesn’t really understand it and it’s a hard pill for her to swallow because she’s never felt like this before. She’s never loved two people at once before. Does she really love them at all? In order to love someone, you have to dedicate yourself to just one person, right? How can she love both? If she chooses one and still loves the other, wouldn’t it be cheating? Like emotional cheating. It wouldn’t be fair to the one she chooses, wouldn’t it? To still love someone else even though she’s dating them. Everything is so confusing and her head feels like it’s spinning and it isn’t because of the lack of oxygen from kissing Yerim.

Yerim’s lips are swollen and her face is flushed and her eyes are completely dilated when they finally part. Seeing Yerim in such a state sucks out what little air Hyejoo had left in her body. In that moment, she is completely mesmerized. Slowly Yerim’s lips slowly curl into a huge grin and there’s absolute joy on her face, making her _even more_ beautiful than before if that’s even possible. But the moment is quickly spoiled because she can’t help being reminded of a similar smile Chaewon had on her face when they had stopped kissing as well. Hyejoo knows that she shouldn’t be thinking about Chaewon at this moment because she’s with _Yerim_. She doesn’t know how to tell left from right anymore. 

Society says that it’s wrong to love two people at the same time. Hyejoo has never cared much about what society thinks before but right now, she feels the overbearing weight of societal norms pushing down on her. She _hates_ it. She needs to choose between them but she _can’t_. If she chooses one, the other will be heartbroken and she knows that her own heart will break in the process too.

Some might say that it’s easy to choose. They would say to pick Yerim because Hyejoo has been in love with her longer so naturally her love for Yerim should be stronger. But those people don’t know Hyejoo’s heart. Her love for Chaewon may have just started but Hyejoo loves her just as much as she loves Yerim. She feels like she’s known Chaewon her entire life and has loved Chaewon her entire life. Her bond with the sophomore runs just as deep as her bond with Yerim. The three of them are soulmates. Destined to be together and their friendship is unbreakable. But somewhere in the dark reaches of Hyejoo’s mind, a voice of doubt whispers, what if it _is_ breakable? What if _this_ is what breaks it? The questions echo inside her head and take root. 

It isn’t _supposed_ to be like this.

She should be _ecstatic_ that the girl that she has loved ever since they were kids loves her back. She should be jumping with joy that the girl she loves so deeply despite having only known her for a short period of time loves her back. _She should be happy._ But all she feels is a horrible clenching in her heart and pain that wraps itself around every part of her body. 

She feels completely and utterly hopeless. _Lost_. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. A barrage of questions hurl itself around Hyejoo’s mind and she feels like she’s drowning in a sea of “what ifs’ and “maybes”. What is the right choice? Is there a right choice? All she knows is that she loves them. All she knows is that the flood of emotions inside of her is for them and _only_ them. How can she choose? But she has to, doesn’t she? If she doesn’t choose then wouldn’t that leave them all brokenhearted? If she doesn’t choose, wouldn’t that mean that she’ll just break them? But if she does choose then would that break them too? What if she loses one of them? What if she loses _both_ of them? 

How can she choose between Yerim — the person who has been by her side for as long as she can remember and refuses to leave no matter the circumstances — and Chaewon, the person that came barreling into her life and throwing it completely out of sorts but in the best way possible?

How can she choose between an immovable object and an unstoppable force?

**V**

Hyejoo doesn’t know how it happened, but she’s dating her best friends.

Yes, she said best friends with the emphasis on the _s_. Best friends as in _plural_. As in both of them. As in Chaewon and Yerim. You get the idea. What’s even more baffling is that her best friends are _also_ dating each other. As in– never mind. To simply put it, they’re all dating each other and have been for the past three weeks and counting. Or at least she _thinks_ that’s what they’re doing. She doesn’t know any other way to describe it because she’s eighty-five percent — eighty-five percent because people are weird sometimes — sure that best friends don’t kiss each other every chance they get and go on romantic dates.

How did this happen? Quite frankly, Hyejoo doesn’t really know herself. All she remembers is confessing her feelings for them out of the blue one night, having finally broken down from the guilt eating away at her for loving them both. Everything had gone by so fast and in a blur; she still hasn’t been able to wrap her head around it. 

She still has so many questions that are left unanswered. They’re dating now but this is just like a test run, isn’t it? To see who fits better with who. They’ll have to choose eventually, won’t they? Hyejoo has to choose between them, right? But then doesn’t that mean they have to choose between her and each other? Which means that she could be the one left behind. She feels a small piece of her heart break as soon as the thought enters her mind. The hurt is unbearable. If it’s this bad now, what will happen to her if she is the one that’s left heartbroken? She doesn’t think she would survive.

They’re currently on a date at a local bookstore. She’s sitting at one of the tables at the café within the store, watching Yerim and Chaewon talking animatedly about a new book they found in the distance. At the sight of them, Hyejoo feels a sense of relief wash over her, wiping away all the tension she was feeling. The thing is, no matter how much turmoil is going on inside of her, being around Chaewon and Yerim keeps her grounded and calm. It’s like they possess a magic that makes her temporarily forget about the dilemma that they’re in.

A tap on her right shoulder shakes her out of her thoughts and she looks up to see Sooyoung smiling down at her. Sooyoung is one of Chaewon’s friends that she had met a few times before and Hyejoo still doesn’t know what to make of her yet. She is four years older than her and is currently working on her masters in psychology, which is how Chaewon had befriended her since they were in the same department. From their previous interactions, Sooyoung seems to be the quiet type at first but then slowly opens up once she becomes comfortable — they’re a lot alike in that aspect. Seeing how she acts with Chaewon and her friends in comparison to strangers, Hyejoo gets the sense that Sooyoung can be just as chaotic as Yeojin (an underclassmen that wiggled her way into a long lasting friendship with Hyejoo and Yerim) if she wanted to be.

“Hello. Do you mind if I sit?” Sooyoung asks. 

“Hi. Yeah, you can sit.”

Sooyoung flashes Hyejoo another smile before sliding into the seat across from her. Resting her head on the knuckles of her hands, she glances over at where Yerim and Chaewon are, “I see you three are out and about again.”

“Oh yeah, they wanted to get the new release of one of their favorite series.”

“I see.” Sooyoung hums and turns her attention back to Hyejoo. “And you’re just along for the ride?”

Hyejoo nods and shrugs. “Pretty much but I don’t really mind. Hanging out with them is good enough for me. What about you? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I came with Jiwoo to visit Jungeun and Jinsoul. They both work here and we decided to surprise them with some lunch during their shift.”

“I hadn’t realized Jungeun unnie found herself a job already.”

“Yeah, she just started recently. Jinsoul was able to put in a good word for her so now they’re co-workers.”

Hyejoo nods in understanding and a comfortable silence settles between them. Chaewon’s friends have slowly integrated themselves into Hyejoo’s and Yerim’s friend group and Jinsoul was one of those friends along with Sooyoung. The two of them had become quick friends with Jungeun and Jiwoo who were friends with Yerim and her. Now, it seems like the four of them are attached to the hips. But Hyejoo thinks it’s sweet that they’ve become such good friends so quickly, especially considering Jungeun’s unwillingness to get along with new people.

“I think it was really nice of you and Jiwoo unnie to bring Jungeun unnie and Jinsoul unnie lunch.” Hyejoo speaks up.

“Ah, it’s nothing really.” Sooyoung replies, waving it off nonchalantly. She pauses briefly before looking at Hyejoo with curious eyes. “This is off topic and I know this might be a bit forward of me to ask, but you’re in love with Yerim and Chaewon, aren’t you?” Caught off guard, all Hyejoo can do is blink rapidly at Sooyoung. Noticing this, the older girl quickly reassures, “You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”

It takes Hyejoo a few tries but she manages to shake off her surprise and actually responds, “Uh, no. It-it’s okay. Um, yes, I am in love with them but that’s wrong, right? I shouldn’t be in love with _both_ of them, right?”

“Do _you_ think it’s wrong?”

“I don’t _know_ what I think. I just know that being around them makes me really happy and I always feel like a part of me is missing when one of them isn’t there.”

“Well then, isn’t that your answer?”

“Is it?”

“I think it is.” Sooyoung answers simply before noticing Jiwoo waving at her past Hyejoo’s shoulders. “Well, looks like that’s my cue to leave.” She places her palms on top of the table and pushes herself away. Standing up, she gives the younger girl one last glance and her eyes search Hyejoo’s face for something — Hyejoo doesn’t know what — and when she finds it, she says, “It’s okay to love them both and you don't have to choose.” With that, Sooyoung walks away, leaving Hyejoo to ponder to herself.

Hyejoo remains in her seat, lost in her own thoughts, until it’s time for the three of them to leave. Sooyoung had seemed like she knew something. Like she knew a secret about Hyejoo that she herself hadn’t been able to figure out yet. It isn’t until later when they’re heading back to the apartment that Hyejoo finds out from Chaewon and Yerim that Sooyoung is in a relationship with Jungeun, Jinsoul, and Jiwoo. And Sooyoung’s words ring in Hyejoo’s head for the rest of the day and beyond.

_It’s okay to love them both and you don't have to choose._

**VI**

It’s a couple weeks later when the three of them are lying on her bed, playing on their switches with their limbs tangled and their hearts beating as one that Hyejoo realizes that maybe Sooyoung was right. That it’s okay to love them both _and_ still be with them. Maybe Sooyoung is right because she’s dating Jungeun, Jinsoul, and Jiwoo and they all seem to be so incredibly happy. She knows that they have their ups and downs but seeing how happy they are together eases the fear that gnaws at the back of her throat and gives her hope. Maybe Hyejoo doesn’t have to choose Yerim over Chaewon or Chaewon over Yerim because she thinks that maybe they love her and each other just as much as she loves them. And when Chaewon finally unlocks an achievement on her game that she’s been trying to get for the past three days and kisses her and Yerim out of joy like it’s the most natural thing in the world, Hyejoo realizes that _maybe_ she doesn’t have to rely on too many “maybes” because the three of them have always been a sure thing whether she knew it or not.

Society tells her that it’s wrong to love more than one person at once. But she thinks it’s society that’s wrong because quite frankly, when has it _ever_ been right? Society also tells her that pineapple on pizza is gross and girls like her who don’t wear makeup are ugly. It tells her that playing video games will rot her brain and black is a color that belongs to boys, not girls. Society says that it’s wrong to love girls when she’s one herself because love is meant to be between a man and woman. Suffice to say, society has _really_ shitty priorities. So it’s then that Hyejoo decides to say _fuck society_. 

Food is food and girls are pretty regardless of what they put or don’t put on their faces. Video games have taught her things that can’t be taught in a classroom and why the fuck would you even assign gender to colors anyways? How can loving girls be wrong when she only began to feel comfortable in her own skin the day she realized that it’s okay to fall in love with girls instead of boys? 

So fuck society for its rules that cater to those who abuse their powers and the narrow minded.

Loving Yerim and Chaewon can’t be wrong because loving them makes her happy. And in her honest opinion, happiness wins by a landslide against what society perceives as “wrong”. She’s never been one to care about what others think anyways. Why should she start now?

Hyejoo knows that Yerim and Chaewon have been waiting for her to finally decide what she wants to do. She knows how patient they’ve been. She knows that they already have it figured out because it seems like they’re always one or two steps ahead of her. But that’s okay. Because they’re them and Hyejoo is Hyejoo. She doesn’t have to rush herself to figure everything out because everyone has their own pace and she knows that they know that. And she’s so _thankful_ that they understand her so well because most people would have given up by now. Most people would tell her that she was taking too long and that they’ve had enough. But Chaewon and Yerim aren’t most people. 

They’re her soulmates.

Even if they weren’t all in love with each other (and to clarify, they _definitely_ are), they would never give up on her because their bond is indestructible. She knows that they will wait for as long as it takes. But she thinks that they’ve suffered enough so she decides that enough is enough and that it’s time to do something about it, _anything_. Hyejoo reluctantly untangles herself from them and sits up. They instinctively follow her. She turns to look at them and none of them say anything because they don’t really _have_ to say anything. They’re perfectly content with the silence. Hyejoo takes a moment to simply appreciate them and take everything in. Every stray hair, every blemish, every scar, every wrinkle. She takes it all in and loves every inch that makes up the two girls she loves more than anything else in the world. The thing is, Hyejoo has never been the one to initiate any of their kisses before because she’s always been afraid of making the first move. Afraid of what it would mean. Afraid that somehow, if she was the one to do anything, it would mean she had chosen one of them over the other. So she had just let Yerim and Chaewon be the ones to kiss her first. But now, there’s nothing to be afraid of. 

Hyejoo kisses Yerim first because it just feels right. After all, Yerim is her first love so it just makes sense that’s who she kisses first. As soon as their lips meet, Yerim grabs the collar of her shirt with both hands, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss. Hyejoo moves her hand up to cradle Yerim’s jaw as a way to ground herself. Caressing Yerim’s jawline with her thumb, Hyejoo loses herself in the feeling of Yerim’s lips pressed against hers. Yerim’s hands have moved from her collar and are now gripping at her hair tightly, almost desperately and it sends shivers through Hyejoo’s body. It takes a lot of effort for her to pull away but she eventually does, although not before giving Yerim a couple more pecks. Their cheeks are flushed and Hyejoo takes a moment to gather herself before turning to face Chaewon (who had been watching them with a look of adoration). 

Hyejoo scoots herself closer to the sophomore and reaches out to gently comb her hand through Chaewon’s beautiful blonde hair before it comes to a rest at the back of Chaewon’s neck. Bending down slightly, she brushes her lips against the older girl’s forehead first like she always does. It was their thing and she wouldn’t dare break the tradition. Then she moves down to Chaewon’s lips, guiding the blonde’s head up with her hand to meet her halfway. Chaewon hums contently when their lips meet and Hyejoo swears that there’s no better feeling in the world — except for kissing Yerim, of course. Just like with Yerim, Hyejoo lingers for a few seconds longer before breaking away but Chaewon chases after her and brings her back in for another kiss, not wanting it to end just yet. It only lasts for a few seconds but it’s still perfect regardless. When they pull away from each other, Chaewon’s eyes are glazed over and her lips are parted in awe. Hyejoo is sure she has the same look on her own face.

There’s a minute of complete stillness before the three of them finally snap themselves back to reality. They all share enormous matching grins and there’s nothing but elation coursing through them. Hyejoo knows that they know what those kisses meant. But she wants to make sure that it truly registers. She wants to ask those words that have been on the tip of her tongue and make sure that the universe knows that she belongs to them. Freely and completely.

Hyejoo grabs their hands and entangles their fingers together. When she finally speaks, the words come out easy, “I’m in love with you. Both of you. I know you know but I wanted to say it because you deserve to hear it. I finally figured it out and I just want to ask. Will the two of you let me have the great honor of being my girlfriends?”

“Pfft, you’re such a dork.” Chaewon says first with a teasing tone but the happiness on her face is unmistakable. She squeezes their hands and nods. “But yes. The answer is without a doubt _yes.”_

“Yes.” Yerim answers as she places a hand on Hyejoo’s cheek. “One-hundred percent yes. _Always_ yes.”

Hyejoo didn’t think it was possible, but the grin on her face becomes impossibly wider. In a burst of joy, she tackles the both of them (gently because she’s still bigger than them and she would prefer to not crush her now official girlfriends) onto the bed. She pulls them closer to her, completely erasing any space between the three of them. The embrace overwhelms every single one of her senses in the best way possible. It’s addicting. Everything about them is _addicting_. From their kisses to their hugs to the way they speak to their mere presence. Hyejoo can’t get enough and she will never tire of it.

They lay there, basking in their shared happiness and warmth. Every second she spent agonizing over choosing one over the other was all worth it because of this moment. It’s everything that Hyejoo could ever ask for and more. It isn’t until an hour later when they’re still cuddling each other as they watch a movie on Netflix that Hyejoo realizes that there really was no need to worry in the first place. 

The three of them were always meant to be and that’s all there is to it.

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up at @uwusoutforloona on twitter and cc if you have any questions, feedback, or comments


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